Apr 19

Apr 19 Hannah, North Shore

I’m currently eight-months pregnant. I know.

I’m Hannah, I’m 31, I live on the North Shore in Auckland and I’m a copywriter.

My little bubble consists of me, my husband Scott, our puppy Ragu and a little baby baking away in my belly. Both Scott and I are working from home full time. Ragu is LOVING us both being here.

Before this, a great weekend-day would’ve involved doing some sort of exercise class early in the morning, then coming home and taking Rags for a walk with Scott. Buying good bread, good butter, good cheese, tomatoes, pâté – fuck I miss pâté – and nibbling away at it all day. Reading, falling asleep, another walk, something yum for dinner. Visiting my sister, her wife and their new baby, Hanging out with mum.

And now? I’m still exercising. Doing meditation before bed. I also make a point to listen to ‘B.C content’. That’s what I have termed any podcast or TV show made Before Covid. It’s so nice hearing people talk about other shit. Highly recommend it. I have definitely upped the yoga. I’m eating healthier. And I’m crying way more (laughs).

I’m currently eight-months pregnant. I know. I’m fully aware that everyone has a story; wedding postponements, ill loved ones, struggling businesses, travel plans cancelled, etc … but man, this is not how I envisioned my last month or two of pregnancy feeling. A time that I hoped would be filled with excited trepidation is now filled with worry and fear. A time when I pictured Scott and I going away for our last weekend alone, or enjoying being spontaneous with movies and meals out … this isn’t how I saw it at all. I know that unknowns are par for the course when you’re having a baby, but now our reality literally shifts every 24 hours. The thought of giving birth alone, not even with Scott, or the thought that my mum and dad won’t be able to see my baby for an indefinite period of time, or that I won’t get a mum hug when I’m freaking out … it’s scary.

But I’m also trying really hard to be positive. I know of people who’ve put their plans to get pregnant on hold because of all this uncertainty and I understand how frustrating that must be. Plus, we live in one of the best places to be right now; an island with first-world healthcare and a boss bitch at the helm. And unlike many people in the world, I am safe at home. Which is not something I take for granted. Still, eight months pregnant in a pandemic? You gotta be kidding me.

My friends and family are always checking in on each other. We know that if someone doesn’t answer it might be cos they’re having a shitty day, or a shitty moment, and that’s ok. Everyone has their own thing going on. We try and designate some time to NOT talking about it, but we fail miserably. My sister owns a dance studio and has had to fully redesign her whole business, she is absolutely nailing it. It’s pretty impressive to watch. Mum and dad are struggling with not being able to see their new granddaughter, or to support me in the last stages of up-the-duffness. But hey. This could all be different by the time I actually give birth. And Scott and Ragu are great. Having a pet right now is SO good.

I think being forced to be still, and stay in one place has made me look up and around a lot more. I’m seeing nature for what it is. I don’t even know why I’m feeling like this … but nature has gone through so much and is still standing. I have had a couple of really amazing moments of feeling super connected to nature during this lockdown. I’m just in awe of it.

On a nationwide level, I’m worried that people won't continue to take this seriously. That we'll get lockdown fatigue. I hope we don’t run out of patience. I don’t have a lot of it at the best of times, but if we all run out of patience this is gonna get ugly. On a personal level, I’m most worried about not having Scott with me when I give birth and not having any in-person midwife or mum support afterwards. But I’m still really grateful and happy to be pregnant. I trust in the power of my mind and body. I know that this is all testing my resolve and I’ll come out stronger.

I’m enjoying how quickly every conversation gets meaningful, even with people I don’t know very well. Everyone’s life has changed, and we’re all aware that we are doing this for each other, so I feel like there’s just this openness and desire to connect which makes small talk redundant. I’ve never heard people ask ‘how are you?’ more genuinely. I’m enjoying only wearing big t-shirts and workout tights, sometimes not even tights. I’m enjoying seeing how Mother Nature is getting a breather. I’m enjoying feeling kicks from my little bubba who I am very excited to meet. I’m enjoying seeing all the little communities coming together and helping each other. I’m enjoying watching Jacinda kill it. And I’m enjoying being in my favourite place. Home.