Priya, Christchurch

They were playing ‘bounce the birdie’ with a dead bird the cat had left on there. I was like, ‘Shit – this is not a good start.’

I’m Priya, I’m 33, and I live in Christchurch.*

I’m in lockdown with my husband and our two boys. They’re three and nearly two, so it’s pretty full on. My husband is working in our family business doing massive shifts, around 10-12 hours a day. Up at 5am, home around 5pm and asleep by 8pm! So it’s pretty much just me and the kids. That’s alright though, at least he’s still got a job. He’s so stressed at the moment, so is my dad, because they’re having to make lots of redundancies.

I’d love to just lie down and have a Netflix day on the couch, but that’s never going to happen. I would like it if my husband was here to assist but … can’t see that happening for a while. He’s not enjoying what he’s doing – they’re letting more people go today. I think there’s going to be about 40 total. When he comes home, he’s like, ‘People have been crying, saying they can’t pay their mortgages’ … he feels so bad. He’s only been with the company for six weeks and has been thrown in the deep end. Sometimes I try to help by writing some emails for him. He writes the first draft, then I make them a little bit nicer. I’ve got a bit more of a softer approach. I think what’s worrying me the most is how much stress he’s under, and Dad and my brother are under, and obviously everyone’s under. But compared with a lot of people, we’re pretty good. We haven’t lost our income.

We’ve just started fostering kids, so for the first two weeks of lockdown we actually had another boy, another three year old, which was pretty intense. He came to us just before the lockdown. The day he got here, I was sitting outside having a coffee. The boys were playing on the tramp, they’d probably been on it for ten minutes before I went over to check on them. They were playing ‘bounce the birdie’ with a dead bird the cat had left on there. I was like, ‘Shit – this is not a good start.’

He was our first. It took about a year to become foster parents, and at this stage we’re only doing short term and emergency care. It was all so new and he was very cute, but he needed a lot of attention. My kids are pretty good at amusing themselves, but with him it was harder. He came to us, then got moved into a more permanent care situation, so we just tried to make it nice for him. Make it fun. He came from a pretty shitty situation … hopefully we gave him some insight into what a normal, well, we’re not that normal, but what a normal-ish family is like. His life before, the abuse … it’s so sad.

When he left … well it was kind of funny, a guy who works with me has eight kids and he actually fostered five of them, and ended up adopting all five. I can see how that could happen so easily. I’ve always wanted to do it cos my mum was fostered, but it took a lot of convincing for my husband to go through the process. Now … I can see how we could end up with eight kids! I would’ve adopted him if I could’ve, 100%.

I usually work 15 hours a week, but at the moment I’m only doing about two hours for follow up calls. I work at a drug and alcohol rehab centre. It’s a private one, not government funded, so we could have stayed open but … the clients … you couldn’t just keep them in the house, they’d go crazy. We use a community based approach, we try to get our clients out into reality instead of having them locked up, so it’s pretty tough at the moment. With this being a time when addiction is going to get worse rather than better … yeah, it’s been hard. One guy in particular, he has young children and his wife has kind of kicked him out. He isn’t from Christchurch so he’s stuck in an Airbnb cos he had nowhere else to go. In lockdown, alone. So he’s obviously struggling and it wouldn’t … I mean, he says he’s not drinking again, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he is. It’s hard for him, he has nothing to do.

How are we keeping our spirits up? Well, in our house we’ve got a room that the boys have never really been in, cos we’ve just blocked the stairs off. We’ve started going up there a few times a week – it’s like a secret outing for them, they get excited and they take their toys up. It’s just another room in the house, but now when we go in there it’s like a real outing! It’s so sad! (Laughs) I feel like I’d probably be more stressed out if I didn’t have them. They have no idea what’s happening. My three year old has been asking why he can’t go to the park or to day-care, and I’ve just told him, ‘Cos there’s germs everywhere.’ He’s like, ‘We can’t go to the shop cos there’s germs, eh Mum.’ I’m like, ‘Yes.’

I quite like not having the pressure to do anything. We were always in a rush to get up for work and get them to day-care so I could go to work before they came home for a sleep … it’s always busy. I’m liking these new mornings when they can come into my bed and we can have breakfast a bit later. I could get used to that. The boys LOVE the teddy bear hunt. We do it every day – the same houses in the same neighbourhood and they still love it. I’m so grateful to be where we are, with a backyard and nice walks around us. Imagine being in an apartment with these kids … they’re bloody maniacs! Our house is out of control.

If we ran out of food we’d be in trouble. The kids get haaangry. When I can see them getting grumpy, I just feed them and they’re back. Especially my nearly two year old, he’ll get so grumpy and start hitting, then he’ll eat and he’s back to normal. It’s crazy, but it’s actually a thing.

I didn’t really think lockdown would be as it good as it has been, I thought people would just get out and about but they’ve mostly obeyed the law. Maybe I’m just sheltered from it, but it just seems to have worked. It’s very surreal. It feels like we’re in a movie. I hope it has a positive effect on the world, but I doubt that it will. I think people will be straight back into it – I don’t think things like global warming will be taken into consideration when everyone’s out of lockdown, I think they’re just going to try and get back to how it was before. Which sucks, cos things could’ve changed. It still might, but I think people are going to be scrambling and trying to make money basically. Rather than making big changes.

If I could choose anyone to isolate with? Shit, that’s a hard one. Probably someone really good looking, when my husband’s not around.

* Details have been changed for privacy reasons

The boys.

If you would like to share your story, please get in touch.

Or, if you know of anyone who might want to share their experience, or would like a friendly voice to talk to, please feel free to reach out.

Our aim is to help people connect during this difficult time, by offering tiny glimpses into the everyday lives of others.

Everyone has a story. Help me bring them to life.