He’s rolled out a full scale military type thing like … we’re ready.

I’m Han, I turned 31 last week and I’m an Intensive Care doctor in Newcastle, just north of Sydney.

I’m in lockdown with my fiancé Nick. We had to do a full lockdown a few weeks ago, when we first got back from NZ - a proper isolation, like not to the supermarket or anything for 14 days. We even got a call from the police to check that we were home. Now it’s not so intense and Nick’s loving it. Pottering around, painting things and mowing the lawns … he’s having a great time. I’m trying to study for my ICU Primary exams. I was just up to Tubular Handling of Substances when you rang me. Exciting stuff.

Before all this, my day was … work, mainly. We work twelve hour shifts – usually longer than that half the time – and a mix of days and nights, so there’s not much of a pattern to my normal life. With my study – I’m still doing it, but I don’t know what’s going to happen. The college, and I presume every ICU doctor in Australia and NZ, will be way too busy with what’s happening to write and mark an exam. All my social plans have been cancelled, so even though I enjoy them the upside is there’s now more time for study (laughs). And the traffic on the way to work is really good, I can leave my house way later.

My job hasn’t really changed, I’m just wearing a lot more plastic while I’m doing it! I love so many things about it. Every patient is like a little puzzle, you have to try and work out what’s going on with each one, and we work in really cool teams. The ‘wardies’ where I work are phenomenal, they know much more than I do about things like the ventilators … they’re amazing. Some of them have been working there since they were teenagers and they’re now 60 plus. They know everything.

The weirdest thing with the Covid situation is that people in ICU can’t have visitors. Usually they could have one at a time, but now our Covid positive patients aren’t allowed any. Too much of a risk. I reckon it’s going to be really tricky, especially if we get more cases like they have overseas. Over there, the doctors are really struggling with the fact that all these deaths are happening, but it’s like, ‘No, you can’t bring the family in.’ It denies what humans want and need, which from a doctor’s perspective is really hard.

In ICU we have deaths all the time. I don’t mind that, because you can have nice deaths with the family around and you can keep the patient all nice and comfy. But now, we won’t be able to have the families. It will feel very different. And not being able to give people hugs, that’s really hard. So often at work, the family members of someone who has died … if you’ve been there, supporting them throughout, they’ll give you a big hug at the end of it. I’m so used to comforting people in that way. That could be the biggest change, I think. Patients not having their people around, and us not having the families beside us either.

It’ll be interesting to see what happens when we have more cases, how the emotional demands placed on us as medical staff are affected. Part of being able to sleep at night is knowing that you’ve done your job and supported the family as best you could. When we’re not able to do that … I don’t know how well the community will react. They’ll possibly take it out on us, without meaning to.

Just before lockdown, I’d had my friend Gretchen’s wedding in NZ so I got to see all of my friends. I saw my Pop and my family too, I’m so grateful for that. Thank God. It was really really good timing, just two days before we had to go into isolation back here in Australia. I’m worried about Mum and Dad though. They’re still working as doctors, and they’re in the age bracket where they need to be super careful. I’m more worried about them than myself at the moment.

I’m really appreciating being able to leave the house. It’s so nice after the whole self-isolation thing. We weren’t even allowed to go for a run. I’m trying to avoid doing any community things, because I’m working with Covid positive people. Even though we’re always covered in plastic at work – I have ‘wipedownable’ gumboots to wear while I’m there and I shower as soon as I get home – you still just don’t know. So, I’m trying not to go anywhere. And I also don’t want to get sick cos then I’ll let my team down and we’re pretty … well, the roster’s a bit skint as it is.

It’s a really strange time at work. We’re preparing for this thing that we think is coming … but it hasn’t hit in a big way yet, so it’s almost a bit eerie. The state of anticipation is so hard. Our whole hospital is ready. We’ve got three hospitals within our one training network, I’m at the Mater Hospital, and the main hospital is being headed by this guy who’s got military training. He’s a doctor, but he’s rolled out a full scale military type thing like … we’re ready. But the cases haven’t hit yet, so we don’t know if we should scale it back … like, is it really coming? Everyone overseas has said, ‘Be ready. It is coming’, they’ve made that really clear, so you don’t want to scale it back too much … it’s a grey area, for sure. But it’s really nice to be right in amongst it, I guess. So many people get anxious about what they don’t know … so it’s good to be part of a group that has access to a lot of info. And the whole being able to help people thing – it gives you purpose. It makes it easy to get out of bed, knowing that you’re actually quite needed.

I think there’ll be lots of positive things to come from this. It’s the first time in most people’s lifetimes that the entire world has worked together on something, all at the same time. All of us. Every country. And at the hospitals, there’s heaps of teamwork going on and everyone’s working a bit better together. And I think the planet will be marginally happier … mind you we’re using a lot of PPE! I think people are stripping their own lives back down to basics too, which is good. We don’t usually get a chance to do that. And I’m loving seeing Jacinda soar. She’s leading like an absolute champion and showing Australia and the world what should be done.